The Separatists Saga, AKA Kensai's Really Busy Day

Mission Name: The Separatists! Episode 1: The Phantom Shadow Menace
Mission Type:  Investigation
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Investigate the Separatists
Description: A group of Separatists, seemingly led by politician Nute Gunray, has risen in the Land of Wind, assaulting the local civilian police force and declaring that the Kazekage is in fact a puppet of The Society. Deaths have occurred and the entire situation is a political and diplomatic nightmare waiting to blow. Investigate the separatists by finding minor members of them, and attempt to gain access to the group using whatever means necessary.
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: 2 C-Class, or 1 B-Class

Kensai would hear the rumours that there was a group trying to separate from the village of Sunagakure. Realistically that wasn't something that would overly give him a moment's pause, but their claims were interesting to him. He had recently been recruited by a group known as The Society in order to help rebuild and run the Land of Iron, which was something he had graciously accepted. He had considered this to be a great honour, and as the Iron Shogun he would be able to truly help bring the Samurai into the future as the warriors and peacekeepers that they were meant to be...that's why it bothered him to hear the claims of these individuals. They were claiming that the leader of Sunagakure was a puppet of The Society, and that was something that Kensai didn't want to believe. The sand village expansion had led to the deaths of his family, and he couldn't picture Nozomi having anything to do with that. He knew that she was in fact a killer, but she only killed those who needed to die.

He would be standing among the civilians in the streets of Sunagakure, not wearing his armour and simply listening to the idle chatter, gathering information as one does that would eventually lead him to hearing the bit of information he wanted to hear. A man was talking about the Puppet Kage. Kensai would move up to him and tell him that he supported Gunray, and he was looking for a way to get involved with the cause. The man trustingly accepted his word and told him that if he wanted to help out he should go to Gunray's offices. There he would be given a task that would help the separatists in order to achieve their goals. Kensai would follow the man's instructions , moving towards the base where the group was situated...

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Mission Name: The Separatists! Episode 2: Attack of the Shadow Clones
Mission Type: Assassination
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Stop the Clone Army
Description: Nute Gunray's Separatist Movement has continued to gather steam during your investigation. As you have gained access to their group, posing as members of the separatists, you have discovered that they are preparing to strike at the Kazekage and expose him, using an army of shadow clones. Find the original, and assassinate him in order to make the clones dissipate. He is a B Rank Shinobi well versed in the art of Ninjutsu, with an affinity to whatever element you wish, and full access to their library at A-Rank and below, as well as full access to the non-elemental library A-Rank and below.
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: 2 C-Class or 1 B-Class/ Completion of The Separatists! Episode 1: The Phantom Menace

Kensai had spent a small amount of time working amongst the separatists under Nute Gunray, attempting to learn of their plot. He would discover that they had planned on creating an army of shadow clones using one of the shinobi in the employ of the Separatists. He would eventually discover the man’s location, and using his ability to sense Ki he would make his way to the greatest source of it...The sight he would see disturbed him somewhat as the amount of clones of the individual was truly staggering. Kensai couldn’t imagine the control over one’s Ki it would cause to create this many clones, but at the same time he knew that no matter how powerful the man was, there was no way that he wasn’t spread too thin. This plan was doomed to fail from the start.

It wouldn’t take Kensai long to begin cutting through the group of clones, each dissipating easily enough as the blade of wind he had summoned through his Ki mowed them down like a hot knife through butter. They realistically stood no chance against the Samurai and eventually he would come to the point where there was only one standing. Kensai could feel how weak his Ki was. It had seemed that each clone had taken a piece out of him, and that by destroying them he didn’t regain that. Kensai would easily dispatch the man, and having interrupted the plot of the Separatists, he would move on towards the highest profile target yet...Nute Gunray himself. He had learned of Gunray’s location before killing the man, and would make his way to confront his foe...

{Exit Thread}

Mission Name: The Separatists! Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith Separatists.
Mission Type: Assault
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Kill Gunray and his Forces
Description: After successfully destroying the army of Clones, Gunray has discovered who you are. He has come with his personal guards to destroy you. You must defeat the guards and Gunray at all costs.

Gunray:

Nute Gunray is not one for combat, but he is considered to be a B-Class taijutsu user. He has access to all taijutsu abilities in the taijutsu library of A-Rank and below. He has four guards, each C-Class who uses katana and no elemental affinity.
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: 2 C-Class or 1 B-Class/ Completion of The Separatists! Episode 2: Attack of the Shadow Clones

Kensai would dawn his armour and regain his weapons before moving to take on the leader of the Separatist movement, or at least the man whom he had assumed was the leader. The Samurai was prepared for anything, or so he believed. Nute Gunray, as he would soon find out, was guarded by four swordsmen. He could tell by their Ki that none of them were overly impressive, and the first time he crossed blades with one, their inferior katana broke. Kensai would smile at this, using his agility to easily overpower the guards, breaking each of their swords and telling them that if they wished to live, they should leave now. Kensai had no interest in killing those who didn’t deserve it, and these men had technically done nothing wrong besides working for the wrong person.

Gunray himself was an impressive fighter, one whom Kensai had to admit could have caused him trouble off the hop. He wasn’t a weapon fighter of any kind, but he used an impressive style of Taijutsu that Kensai couldn’t help but acknowledge as a challenge while the two fought, using a flat palm to block many of Ken’s strikes. When he managed to land a blow on the samurai, however, it was useless against his armour, simply causing a smirk from the samurai as he would trap the man’s arm and headbutt him, breaking his nose and cutting open the man’s forehead as blood would poor down into his eyes. His opponent blinded, Kensai would end his suffering, not wishing to draw the fight out any longer than it had to be. He knew when he had won and didn’t feel like causing the man to suffer. A quick scan of his office would show letters from a man named Lord Shiev Giovanni, who seemed to be giving the separatist leader orders. Kensai had discovered that this plot went a little bit further than he had originally thought, and while investigations weren’t his favourite thing, he knew what he had to do to ensure the safety of the people from these dangerous terrorists…

{Exit}

Mission Name: The Separatists! Episode 4: A New Hope Investigation
Mission Type: Investigation
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Discover the true identity of the leader of the Separatist Movement
Description: You have killed Nute Gunray, but have discovered that he wasn't the boss of the Separatist Movement. Using your expert investigation skills, you must discover the true identity of the leader of the Separatists...
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: 2 C-Class or 1 B-Class/ Completion of The Separatists! Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith Separatists.

Kensai had discovered that Nute Gunray wasn’t in fact the leader, and he went back to the streets to figure out who it was. He went to the regular spots, putting a robe overtop of his armour to hide himself once again. The separatists seemed to have only grown in number since the loss of their pseudo leader, and Kensai had no trouble finding some. He would tail one for a while, eventually getting him when he was alone and preparing to deal with him in a one on one capacity. Kensai wasn’t a fan of torture, but he did believe in using scare tactics in order to extract information if he needed too. He would pull his Wakazashi and corner the man, getting him to be backed against a wall.

It didn’t take more than five seconds before the man was telling him what he needed to know, explaining that the true leader of the separatists was a man named Shiev Giovanni. He would tell Kensai that he should just kill him, because if he didn’t Senator Giovanni would send his assassin, Lord Haiden, after him. Kensai got information on Lord Haiden and told the man that he would attempt to protect the man, but the man wasn’t convinced. Kensai would get the information on where the hideout was, and he would begin to travel, ensuring that he would get to Giovanni before he could make any more trouble, and hoping that he would be able to kill Haiden if he were to meet him.

{Exit Thread}

Mission Name: The Separatists! Episode 5: The Emperor Senator Strikes Back
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Kill Lord Haiden
Description: You have discovered the identity of the leader of the Separatists to be Senator Shiev Giovanni...but not before he has sent his personal assassin to end you. Lord Haiden is a terrifying man, standing at six foot eight and wielding a katana infused with the power of fire. To be touched by the blade is akin to touching plasma.

Lord Haiden:

He has B Rank in every stat, except for Coordination which is A Rank. He is a terrifying foe who is a master with the blade. Beware his strikes and end him so that you can move onto your encounter with the Senator!
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: 2 C-Class or 1 B-Class/ Completion of The Separatists! Episode 4: A New Hope Investigation

As Kensai made his way towards the hideout of the Separatists, he would feel a cold prickle down his spine. His Ki sensory was going off the charts, and he knew that this must be the doing of Lord Haiden, the assassin of Shiev Giovanni. It seemed that the man had warned the Senator that Kensai was after him, and Haiden was sent to intercept him. The assassin wasn’t much of an assassin at all, he was far too giant, and wearing a set of armour that looked like it had been custom made for a samurai, much like himself. He was seven feet tall and seemed to be tremendously wide, dwarfing Kensai. His sword was as impressive as he was, and Kensai watched as it melted the ground beneath it.

The two of them would fight, though Kensai would refuse to allow the weapon to touch anything of his. He would duck and weave each slow strike, and he moved to get into a spot where he could bring his sword down into the giant’s wrist. The sword hand would fall to the ground, and Kensai would remove the head from his shoulders, watching as it rolled across the ground and allowing Kensai to move back towards his current goal, killing the Senator and ending this plot.

{Exit Thread}

Mission Name: The Separatists! Episode 6: Return of the Jedi Protagonist (That's you!)
Mission Type: Duel
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Kill Senator Giovanni
Description: You've finally made it! You're at the end...or so it seems. Senator Shiev Giovanni stands in front of you, but he has no intentions of calling off the movement, stating he will stop until he achieves UNNLLLIIIIMMMIIITTEEDD POOOOOOOWWWWAAAAAAHHH! which he says bellows before beginning to show you that he is a master of the element Raiton. You must murder this lightning space wizard Ninja and end his reign of terror before it is able to begin. Beware though, for he has two elite guards, both using pykes with katon blades, and pitfall traps that seemingly are endless and would definitely lead to certain death...

Senator Giovanni:

The Senator has access to all Raiton Library jutsus under A-Rank! Good Luck.
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: 2 C-Class or 1 B-Class/ Completion of The Separatists! Episode 5: The Emperor Senator Strikes Back

Senator Giovani stood before Kensai, exclaiming to him that once he achieved his goal he would attain UNLIMITED POOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! Kensai would identify right away that this was a dangerous man, and his lightning skills seemed to be extremely powerful. His face was twisted from corruption, physically showing it on his entire body as the two of them would prepare to duel. Kensai wasn’t going to give him the chance, however, and instead rushed forward and drew his blade instantly from its sheath, cutting the man in half before kicking him down a massive pit fall behind him.

Kensai would watch as the man fell down the hole, positive that this would be the last time he would see Giovanni, which is in no way a foreshadowing statement that he will likely see him again after two more missions. He knew that that absolutely wouldn’t be the case, and that the individual and his movement were absolutely dead...absolutely.

{Exit}

Mission Name: The Separatists! Episode 7: The Force Movement Awakens
Mission Type:  Investigation
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Find the Death Base
Description: You thought you were safe from Separatists? No way! The Separatist Movement will never die out and a new group of Separatists claiming that they are called the True Order has risen. Led by a figurehead known only as Lord Smoke, the Order must be taken down. You know the drill by now, investigate the True Order and discover where their Death Base is hidden...
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: 2 C-Class or 1 B-Class/ Completion of The Separatists! Episode 6: Return of the Jedi Protagonist (That's you!)

Kensai thought he was safe from Separatists...until he found out that he was absolutely wrong! He heard rumours of a new group called the True Order who apparently followed a man named Lord Smoke. Kensai would just roll his eyes at this point. He was pretty sick of separatists honestly, almost as sick as he was of bandits...but he really really hated bandits and was really super done with them so the separatists were a way better option because the village had like six million bandit killing missions.

The bandits would die eventually, but still come back like ants, and Kensai was ready to go do some expert espionage, using all of the sneaky skills he had learned...aka just walking up to a True Order member and punching him in the face, because that was more his style. The True Order member looked really surprised that Kensai had just decided to punch him in the face and told him that he should have been doing stealth stuff instead. He had hurt the man’s feelings apparently, and the man was very very sad. Kensai didn’t personally care about that too much, and told the man that he was sorry, but he had to find where the Death Base was. The man pointed him in the right direction and then Kensai fixed his broken nose for him.

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Mission Name: The Separatists! Episode 8: The Last Jedi Separatist
Mission Type: Infiltration
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Find and kill Lord Smoke
Description: Congratulations, you've found the Death Base, home of the True Order and their leader, Lord Smoke. You must find his chambers and eliminate him, but beware of all of the totally weak underlings wandering about. Strike the head from the snake, and finish the Movement...or at least, discover the final surprise in their plot...
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: 2 C-Class or 1 B-Class/ Completion of The Separatists! Episode 7: The Force Movement Awakens

Kensai had found the Death Base, which was easier than he thought it would be, mostly because it was a surprisingly large building with a sign outside of it that said “Death Base”. That likely wasn’t the best way to hide your secret lair, but Kensai didn’t particularly care. He walked inside and was met by a man in a black mask who sounded really sad. Kensai asked him why and the guy said he had killed his father. Kensai said that that totally wasn’t cool and he should have cherished his time with his family, because Kensai never got that kind of time. He killed the man for being a dick.

He would eventually be told where Lord Smoke was by a guy who saw him kill black mask man, and didn't want to die. Kensai decided to not be the guy, because he seemed pretty cool and his name was Todd. He liked the name Todd. He went to Smokes office, where he found a really ugly dude who looked like he had been axed a question...in the face. Kensai was like “You’re really ugly, and that sucks, but I’m here to kill you.” Smoke said “That’s mean, but yeah, you should do that.” And then the guy just kind of died weirdly easy considering the two episodes of buildup. It was like the story was really badly written by two seperate people who both had different ideas of what to do with Smoke.

Mission Name: The Separatists! Episode 9: The Rise of Skywalker The Protagonist (You Again!)
Mission Type: Duel
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Kill Senator Giovanni once and for all
Description: Oh No! Senator Giovanni is still alive somehow! You must have only killed a Shadow Clone. Fortunately you know how to kill him, and therefore you should have no issues killing this psychopath once and for all and ending the Separatist Movement and the True Order.

Senator Giovanni:

The Senator has access to all Raiton Library jutsus under A-Rank! Good Luck.
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: 2 C-Class or 1 B-Class/ Completion of The Separatists! Episode 8: The Last Jedi Separatist

PLOT TWIST! Giovanni was apparently not dead! He somehow survived being cut in half, which Kensai just assumed was another filthy ninja magic and he decided that this time, he would go for the brain...because if you kill the brain, the zombie can not stand back up. Kensai knew this, because it was pretty obviously common knowledge, and he would ensure that he did the exact same he did last time, except this time he would just cut his head in half. Giovanni seemed to have gotten either smarter or more powerful than last time though, and even though he was a bit slower he was using way bigger lightning fields to fuck with Kensai.

Ken would pick his moments, using his abilities with wind to counteract the man’s lightning, which enraged Mr Giovanni because it meant he couldn’t just blast Kensai from far away. Ken would eventually get close enough to split the man’s head in two and just to make sure, he would also light him on fire...because things don’t come back from being burned alive. The village threw him a party, which was pretty awesome, and Kensai had a pretty good day all things considered.

{Exit Thread}

Mission Name: The Slave Trade: An Unexpected Journey
Mission Type: Investigation
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Find the Slaver's Den
Description: A group of slave traders has moved into the Wind Country. They’ve already assaulted and captured those in one village, a small town near the miracle oasis. Your job is to track down the slavers and locate their base of operations, not moving in to kill them yet as the village must be alerted to the validity of this operation before planning the next move.
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: C-Class or 2 D Class.

Oh good, slavers! Something else that isn’t bandits. Kensai was so happy to kill things that weren’t bandits. He was looking forward to killing slavers, but he was told that he couldn’t kill them just yet. Damnit man, why did they have to play him like this. He had big exciting plans of cutting the heads off of some of those horrible dirty slavers. A tall man in a long robe with a long white beard and a pointy hat told him where he would be able to find the slavers, and Kensai went there as quickly as he could, knowing that the sooner that he found the slavers, the sooner he could kill them. A bunch of people who lived in the Miracle oasis were sad, because some bad people had invaded their cave home and were seemingly keeping slaves there. Bingo.

Kensai poked his head into the cave and saw that there were in fact people who looked like they were in chains, apparently one of their names was Alice and she was the daughter of the little outpost’s leader. Kensai would free Alice, and the other slaves, but first he would have to make his way back to the village and tell them about his findings so that he would be allowed to come back and kill the bandits. He could almost taste their blood now...It was exhilarating.

Mission Name: The Slave Trade: The Desolation of Smaug Slavery
Mission Type: Assault
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Destroy the Slavers and free the slaves
Description: The village has given you the go ahead to destroy the slaver's den. Your job is to go out and destroy them. There will be several slavers around, none over C Rank. Eliminate all of the slavers and free the slaves with no damage to be done to the slaves. Your secondary objective is to find information about the leader's whereabouts to bring back to the village...how you do that is up to you.
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: C-Class or 2 D Class. Completion of The Slave Trade: An Unexpected Journey

Kensai was very excited as he went back to the Miracle Oasis. He was told that he was allowed to kill all of the slavers, which was one of his favourite activities. If anyone took advantage of the poor more than Slavers Kensai would do terrible and horrible killing things to them, but he didn’t see it being possible. And so it was that he would go back to the miracle oasis and tell the mayor that he would release Alice from her Chains. He walked into that cave like he owned the place, and the butchery that ensued was likely pretty damned impressive to behold. Everyone in that god damned place who wasn’t a slave died, until there was only one left.

Kensai made the last slaver piss himself before telling him that were he to tell Ken where his leaders were, Ken might let him go. The man quickly squealed, saying there were five leaders and they were in the village of Sunagakure! He was super unhappy hearing that. When he moved to kill the man he said that Kensai had promised to let him go, which Kensai told him he said he might. He then murdered the fuck out of the guy and cut the chains off of Alice and the other slaves, freeing all of them so that they could go back to their families. He even found a man in a box, who he let out.

Mission Name: The Slave Trade: The Battle of Five Armies Slavers
Mission Type: Elimination
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Kill the five slaver leaders
Description: Through your previous actions you have discovered that the five slaver leaders live in the Village of Sunagakure! Locate them and defeat them! They are five armed men and women, each armed with the weapon of your choosing and with C Stats across the board. Be careful, as they're no slouches. Ensure that they die so that the slave trade in the Land of Wind can be eliminated once and for all!
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: C-Class or 2 D Class. Completion of The Slave Trade: The Desolation of Slavery

Only five slavers remained, and Kensai was going to kill them. He had no interest in letting them live after the terrible exploitation they were doing to the poor. He was totally uncool with all of that bullshit, and therefore he would move out and begin to stalk his way towards their hideout. A great fog fell over the village, and he looked like he was some kind of terrifying murder monster in a weird Silent horror film location. A man offered him to get involved with a pyramid scheme, but he told that man he had no time for that and instead had to go and kill a bunch of slavers. The guy was like “Yeah, totally kill those fucks. Slavers suck.”

When he got to the slaver’s base, he killed the lightning one instantly. He knew he was lightning, and after killing Shiev earlier in the day twice he knew that lightning was pretty fucking weak. He would then kill the fire one next, because he knew that fire was good against wind in the game of elemental rock paper scissors lizard spock, which would cause the earth and water guys to charge him, who both lost their heads almost instantly. Kensai would leave the wind guy for last, telling him that wind is a good thing, but being a slaver was like a double bad and that meant he had to die. He would then die pretty horribly, and the slavers would be dead.

Mission Name: Fear and Loathing
Mission Type: Assassination
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Assassinate the drug lord
Description: One of the drug smuggling kingpins has been sighted in a small town near the Bloody Rock Forest. He is there to supervise a large shipment of illegal contraband coming into the Land of Wind, according to our sources. He is considered an excellent martial artist and is not afraid to get into a fight. He also has a personal retinue of bodyguards that accompany him everywhere he goes. Track him, figure out the best time to strike, and take him out. Don't worry about getting rid of the contraband, simply eliminate the leader for now.

Kingpin is B class NPC

Kingpin has 4 C class NPC guards

Compound has numerous E and D class NPC workers
Payment: 25,000 ryo
Requirements: 2 Chuunin+, 1 Jounin+

Kensai, after killing separatists and slavers, found out there were some drug smugglers coming into Suna. He wasn’t cool with that, and again, was pretty damned excited he would get to kill someone who wasn’t a bandit...even though they were basically just bandits. Kensai would track them to the bloody rock forest, where he would find the leader sitting in his camp. He had learned an interesting thing about assassinating people from the ninjas...and realistically common sense. He would track the man for several hours, waiting for him to go into the bathroom before he would make his move.

He had four guards guarding him on the john, but Kensai didn’t really care about that. He would take the guards out fairly easily before kicking in the door of the stall, causing a shocked look from the man who would very quickly finish voiding his bowels. Kensai didn’t give a shit, unlike the man on the John, and he cut that fool in half in an instant. He was pretty happy with his work today, because drug smugglers suck, and five less drug smugglers in the world was a good number. There wouldn’t be any drug smugglers in The Land of Iron, Kensai would make sure of it.

Mission Name: Fast and Furious
Mission Type: Assault
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Destroy the illegal contraband
Description: The contraband shipment has set out, though the death of the kingpin has put a damper on further shipments. Follow this shipment and take it out before it reaches its destination by whatever means necessary. Killing is permitted, but not required. Only the drugs must be completely destroyed.

4 wagons full of drugs, each wagon has a guard of 3 C class NPC

1 B class NPC leading the caravan
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: Completed Drug Lord Assassination, 2 Chuunin+, 1 Jounin+

The drug guys were dead, and that was good, but there was still the fact that there were drug wagons heading towards the village, which was bad. Kensai would speed towards the village, trying to stop the drugs cart from reaching Suna and infecting it with its drugs...because drugs are bad mmkay? The card, fortunately, was only a cart, and Kensai was a super enhanced killing and running machine who was specially designed to fuck over carts...and bandits. Man was he good at killing bandits. The cart would, of course, stand no chance against Kensai, and he would knock out the guards before removing it from existence, believing he had done a great job...until he realized there were three more…

Hmm…

Fuck.

He took out his bow and proceeded to put arrows into one of the spokes on each cart, stopping them in their tracks so that he could get to them before they made it to the village. He would knock out the guards and destroy the carts and the drugs, making sure that they would never make it to the hidden sand. He imagined the village would give him a pat on the back for this. Go Kensai.

Mission Name: Suna Confidential
Mission Type: Undercover
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Tail the suspected official into the Kazehana District and gather evidence, if any, to support claims of corruption.
Description: One of the village's political figures has been rumored to be consistently dealing with the underground in order to garner some extra coin by unjust means. Such actions break the standard and moral responsibility to be upheld by those of high rank. This person needs to be taught that no one is above the law. Be wary as the person in question may have guards [2 C-rank level mercs].
Payment: 25,000 ryo
Requirements: Chunin and above

Kensai was asked to do a mission truly befitting of his tremendous skills with the blade, bow and the art of killing...espionage. He was annoyed that he was doing stuff like this, as it seemed like an extreme waste of his time and talents, but whatever. Money was money after all. And didn’t have to sleep with anyone...hopefully. He supposed if he had to he would turn on the charm, as nobody could resist a sexy samurai, right? He would follow the political figure, whose name was Jerry, because everyone needs to have a name and a backstory. And this guy isn’t even the kind of character who when you ask your DM “What’s his history” The dm would be like “He tells you”. He’s that important.

Kensai would tail him and see him to morally irresponsible things, catching him in the act and picking up the evidence after...which was bodies. He would grab Jerry and tell him that he was a bad bad mouse, and he needed to go to prison. The prison guard was Tom, and he seemed very excited to see Jerry. Kensai figured they had some shit to hash out, so he left it at that. Another mission completed!

Mission Name: The Losers Club
Mission Type: Rescue
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Rescue the Kidnapped Children
Description: A group of notorious kidnappers has made their way to Sunagakure and are trying to ‘one up’ the shinobi by kidnapping civilian children from out of under their noses and getting away with it. Find the three children they’ve kidnapped, and rescue them.
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: C-Class or 2 D-Class

There was once a group of children. They were being irresponsible around storm drains and got themselves kidnapped by someone. Kensai was hired to do the thing, which in this case involved more espionage. Yay espionage. Why did they keep thinking that this was a good use for Kensai’s talents? He would go to the storm drain, where he watched as a balloon rose through the hole and into the air. Kensai was like well fuck, that was weird. Seems like a clue to me. You might as well call him Blue at this point! But he was nobody’s bitch.

He found his way into the sewer and saw a weird clown looking guy. It was scary. The clown told him that it had a name and Kensai shouldn’t refer to it as “It”. Kensai disagreed and decided to instead refer to the clown as dead motherfucker after which the clown said we all float down here.. He considered summoning a giant turtle to kill it, but remembered that wasn’t a thing he could do. He instead summoned his sword into the clown’s face by drawing it. It worked real well. The children were happy that he had saved them.

Mission Name: Prison Break!
Mission Type: Apprehend
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Recapture the criminals
Description: A prison break has occurred, five shinobi have managed to escape the prison and are currently hiding within the village. Track them down and apprehend them once more.
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: C-Class or 2 D-Class.

Holy fuck! Apparently there was a prison in Sunagakure! Who knew? Well these prisoners did, because they escaped. Kensai was sent to bring them back, which sounded like it was going to take more espionage...which at this point he had just become used to having to do literally all the time. He hated it, but at the same time, when you pick the entire Sunagakure mission list to do in one day, you’re going to do a lot of similar missions. Kensai looked at you, yes you, you person right there reading this, and asked you where the prisoners were...did you tell him? No. Well that’s just rude. He gave you the finger and went to find them himself. Fortunately criminals are stupid and he just looked for the people doing crimes.

There were five people in a group doing a crime. It was arson. There was a fire! Oh fuck! Kensai wasn’t good at fire, but he was good at killing people, so instead he just kind of dealt with the criminals...but didn’t kill them. He instead beat them all up a bunch and carried them back to jail, because jail exists and apparently not everyone has to die...who knew!

Mission Name: HITMAN
Mission Type: Assassination
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Assassinate the Bandit Leader.
Description: A local bandit leader managed to escape the massacre of his crew and was looking to recruit new blood. He’d focus on those with nothing left to their names. The desperate, the poor, those who would do anything. These people have done nothing wrong as of yet to warrant jail time except want food, shelter, and a warm place to sleep. Assassinating the bandit leader will take away this ill contrived meal ticket. Eliminate him and only him, any other deaths will result in mission failure.
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: C-Class or 2 D-Class.

Hurray! Bandit killing! Kensai hadn’t killed bandits in a while...at least not today. Apparently there was a bandit leader who needed a killing, but he wasn’t allowed to kill the other bandits. That seemed odd, as he would likely be sent to kill them later anyway. He would instead cut off the head, with the hope that it would be like that time in Star Wars where all the droids stopped working. Who knows? Maybe it’ll work. He would use all those great espionage skills to pretend he was a bandit, which seemed to work. It really surprised Kensai that these bandits seemed to have forgotten that he had killed literally hundreds of them.

He got them to tell him where the bandit leader was, and he saw what he looked like. He would then walk away from all of the bandits, and pull out his bow, knocking an arrow and putting it between the eyes of the bandit. He was shocked to see all of the other bandits fall down around the leader...IT WORKED! Today was the best day. It didn’t matter that they were just mortally afraid of arrows, the thing had happened and it was pretty awesome.

Mission Name: The Outsiders
Mission Type: Elimination
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Kill the Missing Nin
Description: Three Missing Nin, Kevin Nash, Scott Hall and Terry Bolea, have entered the Land of Wind and are potentially planning to cause havoc. Track down and eliminate them.
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: C-Class or 2 D-Class

Hurray! Missing Ninjas to kill! Kensai hadn’t done a mission killing ninjas yet, because usually ninja villages don’t like you killing ninjas for some reason. Kensai didn’t see an issue with it, ninjas are bad and need to be dead. He would go find the bad ninjas, which didn’t seem too different from the supposedly not bad ninjas, and it was hard because all ninjas looked the same to Kensai. Eventually he would find them killing other ninjas, and was like Ooh, those are some bad ninjas. They were wearing all black and told him that they would bring about a New World Order. He was like “That sounds like it would be cool for about a year, but you should kill the storyline after that.” and they were like “Nah, gonna do it for a year.”

Kensai decided to kill all of them to prevent bad wrestling storytelling for the next several years...I mean...because he was supposed to. They weren’t much of a challenge, because this mission can be completed by two genin, and Kensai is A-Class. Things get so much easier when you’re A-Rank. Also yay, no racist Hulk Hogan sex tape. Kensai saved the world.

Mission Name: Dawn of the Dead
Mission Type: Elimination
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Find and eliminate the grave robbers
Description: Graves have been found torn up and the bodies of those resting disturbed. It's happened in multiple villages in the Land of Wind. Find and eliminate the grave robbers.
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: C-Class or 2 D-Class

Yay zombies! Kensai had killed one of those once! About 8 missions back in fact. Unfortunately, while he was excited to kill zombies, they were just grave robbers. Significantly less fun. Kensai would try to find a way to make this mission last two paragraphs. He would look at the grave robbers and tell them “You remind me of the babe.” their response was “What babe?” he would answer with “The babe with the power?” They would respond “What power?” He would respond by killing them all. Welp one paragraph. This mission is bad and the person who wrote it...damnit Kensai...should feel bad.

Mission Name: Hell’s Kitchen
Mission Type: Protection
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Protect the noble and save his self esteem
Description: A noble from the Land of Wind has decided to enter himself into a..Hot Dog eating contest. Your job is to enter as well and protect him from any possible threats. As well as ensure his victory.
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: C-Class or 2 D-Class

Apparently there were hot dog eating contests in Suna...well I guess they had to occupy themselves in ways besides killing bandits so why the fuck not? A noble from the Land of Wind was eating a lot of hot dogs, but the judge, whos name was Gordon Ramsey, told him that his hot dog eating skills were fucking attrocious and that he didn’t deserve to be in his kitchen. Ramsey would proceed to pick up two handfuls of sand, put them on either side of his face, and refer to him as an idiot sand-wich. Haha, sand pun. Kensai liked this mission, it was fun. There weren’t even bandits to kill. Weird.

Needless to say, the noble lost. The winner was a disgusting man with a goatee and a giant ring who told everyone that he had just taken them to flavour town. That guy was just the worst...except at eating hotdogs. Apparently he was the best at eating hotdogs. Kensai told the noble better luck next time, which Ramsey told him no, fuck no, fuck you, you’re not allowed anywhere near my kitchen ever again. I will beat you as fucking raw as this fucking salmon. Kensai liked that guy, he was great.

Mission Name: Investigate The Cult of Starlord
Mission Type: Investigation
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Discover everything you can about the cult
Description: A cult has started forming in the villages of the land of fire and is starting to cause concern. Reports of animal sacrifices have been coming in and it's possible human ones will be next. Investigate everything you can about the cult. Including it's leader, their meeting places, and threat level.
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: C-Class or 2 D-Class

There was a cult, fuck. Cults are bad. Kensai was sent to espionage them...yay. He was really good at that thing. He would mask his Ki using his Ki Suppression technique, which up until this point he had actually forgotten existed, and just follow them several steps behind, trying to find out where their meeting points were, as well as who their leader was. Apparently his name was Star God...or Space Lord...or something like that. It was probably the worst name ever. He would find the things out anyway, as it wasn’t overly difficult. None of these things ever were.

He would return to the village administration building with his findings, telling them the tale of the cult of SPACE GOD! That was definitely his name. They agreed with Kensai that it was a dumb name, and told him “Okay, feel free to go and sabotage the cult now so they can’t make anymore sacrifices.”

Mission Name: Sabotage The Cult of Starlord
Mission Type: Sabotage
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Sabotage the ritual sacrifice
Description: The Cult from before has started trying to move into human sacrifices. Infiltrate the ritual, save the intended sacrifice and get them the hell out.
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: C-Class or 2 D-Class 'Investigate the Cult' Completed

The cult was now doing human sacrifices, which was bad. You weren’t supposed to sacrifice and kill people, they were supposed to die terrible and MEANINGLESS deaths! The horror. Kensai would go to one of the sites that he had found them sacrificing cows and saw that they no longer had cows. There were certainly a group of people there instead, though, and Kensai wasn’t okay with that. He would wear a robe and walk in, making sure not to drink the kool-aid as he sat in on the ritual until before they got to the killing part.

He would offer to go get the sacrifices, telling them that he was in fact Ricky, the guy who usually got them. They believed him apparently, as the random name he had chosen just so happened to be the correct name of the man who would do the thing, and he instead cut all of the people free, telling them to get away from here and to try not to get kidnapped by such a terrible cult again.

Mission Name: Hide and Seek
Mission Type: Tracking and Investigation
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Track down the Starlord Cult Leaders location
Description: That same cult has become enraged at their first human sacrifice going awry. The leader has begun riling them up and is potentially trying to incite a mass riot. Track down their location and schedule. Do not engage though, their sudden death could kick off the riots.
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: C-Class or 2 D-Class, 'Sabotage The Cult of Starlord’ Completed

It seemed that the cult of Space God was now upset. They had put a lot of work into gathering people to be sacrificed, and Kensai could appreciate that. He had been putting a lot of work into doing a lot of missions recently so that he could fund the village he had been saving money to help rebuild and he would be mad about that being interrupted as well. He was sent to investigate them once more, which was a bad idea, but he did it anyway. He was welcomed back to the group as they all recognized him as Ricky, and he was able to find out their location and schedule fairly easily.

He had been told fairly quickly that they would be meeting up in a new location inside of the heavenly gardens at seven pm tonight, which he figured he could probably shift some things around to attend. He would slip out to inform his people of the Space God movings so that they could send him in to do the killing stuff.

Mission Name: Mass Detainment
Mission Type: Organization and round-up
Mission Rank: B
Mission Goal: Organize and round up the Cult of Starlord members.
Description: The time has come to take out this cult leader's power base. Organize the capture and detainment of the cult members and carry out the plan. Thus far the members have committed no crimes, no murders!
Payment: 25,000
Requirements: C-Class or 2 D-Class 'Hide and Seek' Completed

Kensai was told that he wouldn’t be able to start the killing...drat. He was told that they didn’t technically do a crimes yet, which Kensai would disagree with as being in a cult was enough to deserve to be dead. He was sent to bring the fucks to justice, but not the murder killy kind of justice, and instead the go to prison type. He had recently learned that there was, in fact, a prison in the village, so he supposed it could use several new occupants.

He went to the meeting, where they all got excited to see him, still believing him to be Ricky. He would tell them that he was in fact not Ricky and had been KENSAI all along! They were shocked and felt betrayed. He told them that they had better go to the prison or that Kensai would make murder of them, and they all seemed to agree that turning themselves in was likely the best course of action. He had done a good.